my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
