idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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