one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
