someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
