Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
