Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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