Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
