I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
