he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
