i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
