Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
