I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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