youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
