Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
