in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's great music for shaving your balls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
