he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
