The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
