So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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