just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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