Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
