If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
