I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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