Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
