When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
