i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are a genius and a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
