why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
