Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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