i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
