Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize