Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
