How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
