You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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