No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
