I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
