Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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