i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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