So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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