Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
