Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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