I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
