It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
