he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
