Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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