My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
