The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
