You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the condom got lost in my hair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
