I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He has the fingertips of a God
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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