Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
