Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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