I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
