Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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