My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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