god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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