Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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