Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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