The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
