even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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