Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
