I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
