I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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