Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize