Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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